THEY’RE ALL TRUE!

But you already knew that didn’t you!

But, for the sake of completeness, here are the Bible passages
(well actually they are not here yet; we had things we had to do to get the site operational before we got the actual reference – HEY… help if you want) that confirm those ridiculous statements did actually come from the Bible..

1. God, the omniscient, was not able to find Adam in the garden of Eden.
2. God, the omniscient, believed that people could build a tower so high that they could join him in heaven while they were still alive.
3. God, the omnipotent, was unable to defeat the “people of the valley” because they had chariots of iron.
4. God, the omnipotent, lost a wrestling match with Jacob.
5. God, the omniscient, regretted making Saul King of Israel.
6. God sends two bears to rip up 42 little children for making fun of Elisha’s bald head.
7. The first four commandments have nothing to do with living a moral life.
8. God, through Moses, gives instructions for selling your daughter as a sex-slave.
9. Moses told his troops to  kill little boys then kill every non-virgin female but keep virginal children for themselves.
10. God says that it’s OK to beat a slave as long as he lives a day or two.
11. God intentionally threw down great stones from heaven so he could kill the Amorites
12. God, the omniscient, repents seven of his actions.
13. The Amalekites were completely killed off 3 times; first by Saul, then by David, and then by David again.
14. God commands you to kill those who worship another god.
15. God tortured Job so that he (God) could win a bet with the devil
16. Homosexuality is an abomination to God.
17. Handicapped people must not approach the altar.
18. God defines the value of human life in shekels (dollars and cents); females are worth considerably less than males.
19. Jesus says that the Old Testament laws are binding on everyone forever and that he came to support the law.
20. Jesus preferred to have his feet anointed rather than give to the poor.
21. Jesus intends his message of salvation for Jews only.
22. Jesus said that “whatever you ask for in prayer, you will receive”.
23. Paul preached and taught that the Rapture would occur within his (Paul’s) lifetime.
24. Jesus condemned entire cities to dreadful deaths and to the eternal torment of hell if they didn’t care for his preaching.
25. Jesus tells his followers that he will return and establish his kingdom within their lifetime.
26. Jesus speaks in parables is so that  “them that are without, seeing they may see, and not perceive; and hearing they may hear, and not understand; lest at any time they should be converted, and their sins should be forgiven them”.
27. Jesus refused to cast out a devil from a Greek woman’s daughter, calling the woman a “dog”.
28. Jesus orders two of his disciples to steal a donkey.
29. Jesus says that his true followers of Christ would be able to  cast out devils, speak in tongues, handle poisonous snakes, drink poisons without harm, and cure the sick by touching them.
30. Jesus promises his followers power over all the power of the enemy and promises that “nothing shall by any means hurt you.”