David, beloved King of the Jews, is revered by Jews and Christians alike.
He should be reviled, vilified, hated, scorned, viewed as criminally insane, perpetrated crimes against humanity, mass murderer and more.
The Truth Is…
If David, beloved King of the Jews, had been tried in our current International Court of Justice, he would have been found guilty of Crimes Against Humanity as horrific as the worst mass murders in history (e.g. Hitler, Mao Ze-Dong, Stalin, Pol Pot, et. al.)
Crimes Against Humanity:
particularly odious offenses that constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of one or more human beings.
political, racial, or religious persecution
Not only did David violate every modern sense of morals, he also violated 5 of the 10 commandments. You can count em; we’re about to puke.
All of his crimes were committed with the blessing of God who sometimes gleefully joined in the killings. David was so successful at killing and murder (and foreskin shucking) because he had more faith in God than anyone else. Thus God rewarded David with “victory” over his enemies (some of whom lived peacefully nearby). It was only after David’s faith wavered that his killing spree ended.
MORAL: Have faith in God and anything, including being able to slaughter thine enemies, is possible.
It would be hard to find anyone in the bible that God liked more than David.
He was directly selected by God to be king, and “the Spirit of the Lord came
upon David from that day forward.”
And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he. Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. 1 Sam.16:10-13
His heart “was perfect with the Lord” and “the Lord God of hosts was with him.”
David … grew great, and the LORD God of hosts was with him. 2 Sam.5:10
He walked in God’s ways and kept his statutes.
And if thou wilt walk in my ways, to keep my statutes and my commandments, as thy father David did walk, then I will lengthen thy days. 1 Kg.3:14
And (with the exception of the matter of Uriah the Hitite) he did what was right in the eyes of the Lord in his every act throughout his lifetime.
Because David did that which was right in the eyes of the LORD, and turned not aside from any thing that he commanded him all the days of his life, save only in the matter of Uriah the Hittite. 1 Kg.15:5
He was, according to Acts, a man after God’s own heart.
And when he had removed him, he raised up unto them David to be their king; to whom also he gave testimony, and said, I have found David the [son] of Jesse, a man after mine own heart, which shall fulfil all my will. Acts 13:22 (See also 1 Sam.13:14)
So if we want to know what type of person God likes, we need only look at David. Those who believe in the bible should try hard to imitate David, to always ask themselves “What would David Do?” in any particular situation. The two numbers following the biblical passages will be the (estimated?) body count of that passage’s carnage and the cumulative body count.
Here is that which David did that was right in the eyes of the LORD,
- He kills Goliath with his sling, beheads him, and carries the head back to Jerusalem. 1 Sam.17:51-57 (1,1)
- He and Saul have a contest to see who can kill the most people for God, and the women act as cheerleaders saying, “Saul has killed his thousands, and David his tens of thousands.” 1 Sam.18:6-7 (20,000, 20,001)
- He kills 200 Philistines and brings their foreskins to Saul to buy his first wife (Saul’s daughter Michal). 1 Sam.18:25-27 (200, 20,201)
- He shows cowardice and lack of faith in God when he acts like he’s crazy, scribbles on the gates of Gath, and lets spit run down his beard. All this he did in front of Israel’s enemies in the hopes that they would take him in and protect him from Saul. 1 Sam.21:12
- He “inquired of the Lord, saying, Shall I go and smite these Philistines? And the Lord said unto David, Go, and smite the Philistines … So David smote them with a great slaughter.” 1 Sam.23:2-5 (10,000?, 30,201)
- He “smote the land and left neither man nor woman alive.” 1 Sam.27:8-11 (20,000? 50,201)
- He had many (like Joseph Smith, no one knows how many) wives. 1 Sm.30:5
- He tells one of his “young men” to kill the Amalekite messenger who claimed to have mercifully killed Saul at Saul’s own request. 2 Sam.1:15 (1, 50,202)
- When Joab (David’s captain) kills Abner, David says that he and his kingdom are not responsible. The blame, he says, lays with Joab. So David curses Joab, his family, and their descendants forever. Let them all be plagued with venereal diseases and leprosy, starve to death, commit suicide, or lean on staves. 2 Sam.3:27-29 (100?, 50,302)
- Some of David’s men kill Saul’s son and bring his head to David, thinking that he’ll be pleased. But he wasn’t. David has the assassins killed, their hands and feet chopped off, and their bodies hung up (for decorations?) over the pool in Hebron. 2 Sam.4:6-7 (5?, 50,307)
- He says that whoever kills the lame and the blind will be his “chief and captain.” 2 Sam.5:8
- He asks God if he should kill some more Philistines. God says yes, and he’ll even help. So David and God “smote the Philistines” again. 2 Sam.5:19, 25 (2000?, 52,307)
- He dances nearly naked in front of God and everybody. Michal criticizes him for it and God punishes her by having “no child unto the day of her death.” 2 Sam.6:14, 20-22
He kills two thirds of the Moabites and makes the rest slaves. He also cripples the captured horses. 2 Sam.8:2-4 (667?, 52,974)
- He kills and tortures thousands of people, “and the Lord preserved David withersoever he went.” 2 Sam.8:6, 14 (66,850, 120,000+) We give up, you get the idea.
- He sees a woman (Bathsheba) bathing and likes what he sees. so he sends for her and commits adultery with her “for she was purified from her uncleanness.” She conceives and bears a son (which God later kills to punish David). 2 Sam.11:2-5
- He tells Joab (his captain) to send Bathseba’s husband (Uriah) to “the forefront of the hottest battle … that he may be smitten and die.” In this way, David gets another wife. 2 Sam.11:15, 17, 27 (This is the only thing he ever did wrong. Everything else was “right in the eyes of the Lord.”)
- He tortured or enslaved (depending on translation) the inhabitants of several cities. 2 Sam.12:31,1 Chr.20:1-3
- He shows unusual restraint and “went not in unto his concubines.” Instead, he imprisons them as a punishment for being raped by David’s son, Absalom. 2 Sam.20:3 (Concubines? Hmm – let’s see… wasn’t this AFTER the Nth commandment, “Thou shalt not commit adultery”?)
- To appease God and end the famine that was caused by his predecessor (Saul), David agrees to have seven of Saul’s sons killed and hung up “unto the Lord.” 2 Sam.21:6-9
Old King David tries to get some heat by having a beautiful virgin minister unto him. 1 Kg.1:1-4
- In David’s last words, he commands his son Solomon to murder Joab.
So if you believe and trust in the Bible, you should try to follow the example of David. Have total faith and trust in the Lord and he will help you in any endeavor, no matter how heinous.
Nothing But Legand
Fortunately, most of what the Bible says about David is mere legand. The following truths were presented by Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman in their book, “The Bible Unearthed”. Mr. Finkelstein is director of the Institute of Archaeology at Tel Aviv University. Is there anyone who would be more anxious to prove that David really was all that the Bible says he was than Mr Finkelstein, a Jew who teaches in Tel Aviv? Mr. Silberman is director of historical interpretation of the Ename Center for Public Archaeology and Heritage Presentation and is a contributing editor to Archaeology magazine. To refute what these two have to say about David will require that you become more knowledgeable about archeology than they are.
The story of David, conqueror of the promised land and leader of a glorious empire over all the vast territories that had been promised to Abraham, is a theological hope, not an accurate historical portrait. The glorious epic of the united monarchy was a brilliant composition that wove together ancient heroic tales and legends into a coherent and persuasive prophecy for the people of Israel in the seventh century BCE.
The material culture of the highlands in the time of David remained simple. The land was overwhelmingly rural – with no trace of written documents, inscriptions or even signs of the kind of widespread literacy that would be necessary for the functioning of a proper monarchy. There is no evidence of a unified culture or centrally adminsitered state. Thje area from Jerusalem to the south – the hub of the future kingdom of Judah – was still very sparsely settled. Jerusalem itself was, at best, no more than a typical highland village. We can say no more than that.
Out of a total of approximately forty-five thousand people living in the hill country, about five thousand of them lived in Jerusalem. Archeologically we can say no more about David and Solomon except that they existed – and that their legend endured.
A personal note to Pastor Jeremy Carr, Oxford Bible Fellowship, Oxford Ohio
In your sermon “In Sync with God: The Life of David” you condoned David’s behavior; how could you?
August 28, 2011
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